FYI: The truth about boobs and bras.

Victoria's Secret really fucked us over. Breasts like that don't exist, except if they have been surgically modified.

If you're a guy, I'm sure you've thought, once you've got her bra off "Humm, it's smaller than I was expecting", but come on, one the bra's off... most likely the panties are not far behind and at that point... you would have long forgotten that thought. Or if you're a breast man, you're disappointed that you can't t__ty _uck her. (Trying to keep it somewhat respectable)

If you're a girl, you think "Sorry I lied, but you're getting some so get over it" and "Smaller/larger than I thought"... yes, we think about it... but by the time we get to that point, we just go w/ it.

The sad part is that girls need a little help in that category and we all have padded bras... every single one of those VS models on TV have padded bras. And they sell extreme padded bras (makes them look 2xs bigger)

So to sum up my quick, yet informative FYI:

Women wear padded bras because...
1. So they don't "Poke someone's eye out"
2. Attract breast men
3. Clothes fit better
4. In some cases, balances out their ass.
5. As we get older, we need all the help we can get (note the link below... yes, we think like that)



Chicken breast is already genetically modified, don't expect ours to be as well... go organic!

Given by Men, Suffered by Women

Urinary tract infections is only another reinforcement that God must be a man. It's like punishment for having sex, and not even necessarily good sex. I mean at least with things like pulling a muscle, getting a mild concussion from hitting your head on the headboard, or (dare I say it), uncomfortable shit, are all indications of good sex. 

But no, to our luck as women, were created with small ureathra which means that bacteria can travel faster into our urinary track. What does that result to? I wish men could feel it too:

It feels like your bladder will explode at every single breath, and when you finally get to the bathroom which you've been frantically trying to find, then find a not-as-nasty bathroom stall, then gingerly place toilet paper on a seat which you refuse to sit on (just in case).. and once you feel ok to pee, you feel an unimaginable burning sensation that's best described as a piece of coarse wool slowly being pulled through your pee hole. Then, the dread as you're hovering over the toilet of the feeling that you still need to pee, but then... you don't and all that comes is that burn again. 

Now boys, what to do to help your lady friend out? First, you could call her at least 2 days later, cause that's where it'll settle in... but caution, she could react several ways:

1. If she's never had a UTI before, she may be freaked out and yell at you, but now that you've read this you can read it word for word to her and she'll think either "Geez, he's really informed, very intelligent and helpful" or "Bastard, he's done this to someone before"

2. She may not tell you, but be very bitchy and passive aggressive, in which, if you care enough to even ask, you may want to probe (not like that, I think you've done enough of that)

3. She may tell you, calmly, that she has one. Now here's what you offer her, an "I'm sorry, is there anything I can do for you? Cranberry juice? And I promise to wash my cock before I fuck you"

Note, a UTI is not an STD, it sometimes happens during sex in which bacteria can be transfered into the bladder. Bacteria from the snatch is different from the ass, so, caution when there is accidental contact and no double dipping. I really think they should try to make anti-bacterial condoms or lube.

So, what have we learned here? Wash your dick pls.

Q: Has technology lead us to expect more from relationships?

I'd like to say that my friend is "seeing" this guy, when really, she's been "texting" this guy. I mean they had a fabulous first date... which a few months later lead to a second date in which clothing eventually became optional. But since then, she hasn't seen him, but they've been texting back and forth. This said relationship has been going on for 5 months. Now I'm dumbfounded (as she is) why he has such trouble leaving a simple text message/email/facebook reply?

Which leads me to the question: Has technology lead us to expecting more from relationships?

With the advent of cell phones, email, text messaging, and social networking, it seems that there is no longer an excuse for someone not being able to contact you. Unlike in the past where a phone call seemed to be the fastest way to get a hold of someone, it seems to be the last resort (or the least intrusive) way to connect with someone now. 

First is text messaging, but then you aren't really sure if someone received it or even got it on time, but it's great for flirting (cause they can read into it what they want to) and for making quick plans. But assuming they did get it, why is there no response?? And how long should I wait for that response?

Email is next up, but that's for a less immediate response, but with the advent of Blackberries and iPhones, it can be just as fast as a text - even more reliable. You can use it to make more long term plans - long term meaning this weekend. Again, the anticipaaaaation of a response. Think about it, Google Mail just created an application called Mail Goggles (just like beer goggles), which helps prevent you from sending drunken emails. The sad part is that an application like that is necessary. It's official, we've all stopped drunk dialing (cause the last time we were drunk, we were smart enough to delete his number from our phone).

Social networking, esp Facebook, has definitely changed the game. Here was can do untraceable social stalking. We can check out their profile to see how their day is going, what they did last night by what their friends commented on, what pictures they uploaded using their cell, and who has SuperPoked them (panties anyone?). Now the down side to this is that you know what's going on, but YOU ARE NOT WHAT'S GOING ON. Like with all this activity, you wonder, "why can't he just text me?" "leave me a quick Facebook message?". What's worse is that it's taken away the ability to make excuses for their behavior... "maybe they're busy at work?" "maybe they have a girlfriend?" "maybe he got hit by a cab in which his cell phone went flying into the air and as he tried to reach for it (because my number is in it) and an oncoming car ran over his hands, simultaneously shattering his hands and cell phone into pieces. so right now, he's on Facebook using a voice activated typing system.... Yes! that's got to be it!"

Now with all this technology, the last resort is using the cell phone for it's originally intended purpose, CALLING. We only seem to call when we want a truly immediate response. But you sit there, looking at his number on your screen, slowly your heart rate increases at the thought of dialing... what do you say? how do you say it?. 2 seconds later you've pressed dial... first ring... (should i hang up?)... second ring... (but it'll show up on his ID)... third ring... (he's not picking up)... VOICEMAIL! Yup, all that anxiety that you had led to sheer utter disappointment, cause you weren't important enough for him to pick up the phone.

This is where I think we've come to expect a lot from relationships in terms of communication. Conducting business should be the same as conducting a relationship... you call them the fuck back. But on that note, the funny thing is that we now have more relationship counselors working on marriage communication issues. Makes  you wonder, with all the ways to communicate, what is it that we're actually saying and what is the other person hearing?

On that note...

Q: What's the first thing you notice about a guy?

This seems like one of those pages in beauty magazine where they ask "John, 24; New York, NY responds: her eyes" BLAH BLAH BLAH. OK, so maybe they notice your eyes but it's got to be second thing on the list because it's usually the body parts that stick out from the torso that they notice first.

I really think that it needs to be rephrased: What do you usually remember about a guy?

Strangely enough, I think it's his hands. I was once dating this guy, he was like 5'10", but he has the smallest hands and the proportion of his palm to fingers made his fingers look short and stubby. Come to find out that in this case, his hands were proportionate to.... (yes, food for thought). Another example would be this vendor that I used to work with, we called him Mc UglyHands. He's a little older, so his hands were old, but my god he had the driest hands and terrible cuticles. I mean like scaly dry skin hands. I approved a $100,000 print job, please use some of the money to get a manicure. Don't guys think, you're a sales man, you point all day, like a hand model, the least you can do is prevent crocodile hands. Imagine having those fingers in you... ewww.

Hello

I started this blog for Sam. He and Eric always tend to ask me these random questions about girls and I think that they would already know, but they really don't. We as women are driven nuts by men: do they call?, do i call?, why aren't they calling/texting back?, are they dating other women?. Strangely enough, men (if they like the girl) think the same way. They can be just as insecure as the rest of us (supposedly) neurotic women. The next entry is for you Sam.